Friday, November 27, 2009


I just arrived home. Our class was dismissed an hour earlier. On my way home, I couldn't help but to think my current situation. I'm also thinking whether to write my thoughts here or not but I think habit is hard to broken. So here I am trying to put words for my thoughts.

I really don't know what to feel right now. My emotion is so mixed up. I'm happy yet sad. I feel great yet frustrated. Weird? I don't know if you ever feel that before but I think there's really an emotion like that because that's what I feel right now.

I'm happy because somehow there's an answer to my current situation. Yes, it's been solve and I'm so thankful for hon-hon about that. But I'm sad because the consequences of that action mean a lot of things for both of us. When I think about it I wish I'm not in this situation. It's hard and somehow become harder on the thought that I'm making trouble especially to hon-hon. I only wanted to give him happiness and love and not all the troubles I caused in my life.

I'm in the middle of wanting the help but not really want it. It's like touching a fire. Will I accept it or not? I don't really know. When I thought how much it will help me I sure wanted to accept it but when I thought how much I wanted to be with hon-hon again in person the more I am thinking twice or trice. I wish I have a magic that I can just undo the past and smoothen the future so that I don't need to worry at the present.

Things will be over soon, I know. But whatever action I do I still need to face the consequences of it. May God help me find the answer.

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