It is almost midnight and I just arrived home. I feel so tired but couldn't sleep. I been like this for almost two weeks now, driving myself to work day by day as if there will be no tomorrow. Not that I miss working but I have to be like a robot working 24x7 just to fill the void in my heart. I don't have work tomorrow but I wish I have because staying at home is now becoming harder for m because it means I will have plenty of time to think and allow the feelings of emptiness crawl inside my heart. This is the hardest feelings to conquer but I have to not only for me but also for hon-hon. I have to keep my promise to him to be patient and allow him to have the time and space, until when? I really don't have an idea which I think makes it even harder for me.
God knows how much I love him and so I am praying that He will give me the patience and the understanding that I will need to pass this trial. Right now I have to feel like a robot, switch on to work and work and work. I am tired but I would rather be physically tired than being emotionally down.